just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
