just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
