I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
