The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
