Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
