yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
