she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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