This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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