Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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