I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
