This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
