So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
