I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
