our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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