just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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