It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
