I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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