8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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