Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The struggles of a small town man whore
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
