I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
