I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
