I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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