she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
