i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
