the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
