Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
