my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
