Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
