Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
