Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
