Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's get the cat blown out
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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