Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
