11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
