i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
