A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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