That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
