Nicole vs. Life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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