True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
God, I missed his penis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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