Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
