somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
