Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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