Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
