I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
