is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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