sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
