You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
