He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize