Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
