apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
