well I can't set my house on fire every night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
