Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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