tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
