There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
