He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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