Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
