That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
