I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize