Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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