I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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