Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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