god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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