worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are two peas in an std pod
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
