Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
