ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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