I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
