So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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