Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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