He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize