nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
