Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
