my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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