I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
