Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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