You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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