the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
