I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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