I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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