Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
