he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
