Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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