im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
