I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
