Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
