Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
