I hope mine doesn't look like that
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
should my penis look like a turkey
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize