just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize